In particular they are making many women angry in their statements that life begins at conception, abortion is evil*, and women can only get pregnant from "legitimate rape", as their bodies can magically** know when rape is real versus when the woman actually wants sex!
*Note: This unicorn personally is pro-abortion because the tiny baby-sized coat-hangers the abortion doctors use are The Cutest Things Ever!
**Note: Of course, this latter statement from Todd Akin is incredibly silly, as humans are not magic. They do not even sparkle in the sunshine the way unicorns or Robert Pattinson do.
All of these things are terrible, of course, and I support Americans who oppose them, but I must say that this morning, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan have crossed a line.
While previously they may have lost the female vote, as of today they have lost the unicorn vote.
I am pretty certain that it is GOP Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney who declared that all women should rush out to purchase a pair of Unicorn Uggs (TM).
Unicorn Uggs are boots with a very sexy and classy horn on the toe of the boot. I admit that they are very aesthetically pleasing. Indeed, they may also prevent rape: when a woman wears these boots, if a man tries to rape her, she can kick him in the balls!
According to the GOP, if all women (or virginal women at least, since they are the ones who best attract unicorns) wear these boots, rape will be very simple to prove. After all, legitimate rapists will be obvious -- they are the ones holding themselves in the crotch in pain as blood rushes everywhere!
This is an admirable goal, I admit. I am very much in favour of rapists being covered in their own blood! However, if these boots become fashion-forward, imagine how many unicorns will lose their horns and their lives to the project!
Rape is terrible, but is it worth the life of an immortal, magical being? I say "NO."
And so I hope that you all will "Just Say No" (to borrow the phraseology of another Republican wife, Mrs. Nancy Davis Reagan) to unicorn boots. While they may stop rapists, I hope that American women will realize that a gun or a knife will be just as effective, but more humane.