Cat writer!

O my, as I was web-surfing the handmade marketplace website Etsy for some new custom bow-ties, I discovered something amazing.  An exquisite piece of jewellery that lets the world know both your profession and your phylum:

Of course, I immediately knew I had to request a custom necklace for myself.  Mine would have little sculptures of unicorns made from Swarovski crystals.  The letters would come from a Dvorak keyboard etched in gold.

But what would it say?  There are so many possibilities.  Obviously, my phylum is UNICORN.  But my profession???

I have narrowed it down to the following options:

• UNICORN PRINCE (of course! but I am concerned that advertising my Princely status may attract gold-diggers)
• UNICORN BLOGGER (this is most excellent, but the non-tech-savvy may not know what a Blogger is)
• UNICORN POET (and I know it!)
• UNICORN LOTHARIO (could this be the winner??)
• UNICORN GLASS HARMONICIST (while my chest is extremely broad and masculine, this may be too many letters to fit!)

Clearly, these necklaces are not designed for the true multi-faceted Renaissance Unicorn such as myself.  Perhaps the solution is to purchase several necklaces and swap them out for different occasions!

I could wear UNICORN EXOTIC DANCER to bachelorette parties and probably make extra tips.  I would make sure not to wear UNICORN CHEF to Weight Watchers meetings, as that might be leading others into temptation (not that I have any need to attend Weight Watchers meetings, of course -- my role at the meetings is to serve as Thinspiration).  I would definitely wear UNICORN SEX THERAPIST to the mall.

Exclusive: Debunking the Wooly Mammoth in Siberia

Oh my, the UK Sun is reporting the discovery of a wooly mammoth in Sibera.  Exciting news, as the creature is supposedly extinct!  The Sun article says:

The animal – thought to have mostly died out roughly 4,000 years ago – was apparently filmed wading through a river in the freezing wilds of Siberia.

The jaw-dropping footage was caught by a government-employed engineer last summer in the Chukotka Autonomous Okrug region of Siberia

However, upon closer examination of the photograph and video in the article, I can see that the creature is not a wooly mammoth at all.  Some have speculated that it might be a lost elephant or a bear with a fish in its mouth.

It is neither.  The figure is clearly my good friend Harold "Harry" the Sasquatch crawling through the river on all fours to play a joke on us.  Hee hee hee.

I bet those reporters will feel silly when they find out their mammoth is not a mammoth at all, but just a simple Canadian forest Bigfoot!!

Of course, they may also be extremely thrilled to have made a brush with celebrity.  Do you recognize the name Harry?  Someone very famous was named after my Bigfoot friend!

Hee hee hee, nope, not Harry from Harry and the Hendersons.  Good guess, though!  Actually, it is Prince Harry of Wales!!

Alas, I have no comments from Prince Harry or Bigfoot Harry to add to this post.  I tried calling Bigfoot Harry's cell phone before making this post but he is not responding -- likely he has given up technology for Lent again.