Of course, I immediately knew I had to request a custom necklace for myself. Mine would have little sculptures of unicorns made from Swarovski crystals. The letters would come from a Dvorak keyboard etched in gold.
But what would it say? There are so many possibilities. Obviously, my phylum is UNICORN. But my profession???
I have narrowed it down to the following options:
- UNICORN PRINCE (of course! but I am concerned that advertising my Princely status may attract gold-diggers)
- UNICORN BLOGGER (this is most excellent, but the non-tech-savvy may not know what a Blogger is)
- UNICORN POET (and I know it!)
- UNICORN LOTHARIO (could this be the winner??)
- UNICORN GLASS HARMONICIST (while my chest is extremely broad and masculine, this may be too many letters to fit!)
I could wear UNICORN EXOTIC DANCER to bachelorette parties and probably make extra tips. I would make sure not to wear UNICORN CHEF to Weight Watchers meetings, as that might be leading others into temptation (not that I have any need to attend Weight Watchers meetings, of course -- my role at the meetings is to serve as Thinspiration). I would definitely wear UNICORN SEX THERAPIST to the mall.