Cat writer!

O my, as I was web-surfing the handmade marketplace website Etsy for some new custom bow-ties, I discovered something amazing.  An exquisite piece of jewellery that lets the world know both your profession and your phylum:

Of course, I immediately knew I had to request a custom necklace for myself.  Mine would have little sculptures of unicorns made from Swarovski crystals.  The letters would come from a Dvorak keyboard etched in gold.

But what would it say?  There are so many possibilities.  Obviously, my phylum is UNICORN.  But my profession???

I have narrowed it down to the following options:

• UNICORN PRINCE (of course! but I am concerned that advertising my Princely status may attract gold-diggers)
• UNICORN BLOGGER (this is most excellent, but the non-tech-savvy may not know what a Blogger is)
• UNICORN POET (and I know it!)
• UNICORN LOTHARIO (could this be the winner??)
• UNICORN GLASS HARMONICIST (while my chest is extremely broad and masculine, this may be too many letters to fit!)

Clearly, these necklaces are not designed for the true multi-faceted Renaissance Unicorn such as myself.  Perhaps the solution is to purchase several necklaces and swap them out for different occasions!

I could wear UNICORN EXOTIC DANCER to bachelorette parties and probably make extra tips.  I would make sure not to wear UNICORN CHEF to Weight Watchers meetings, as that might be leading others into temptation (not that I have any need to attend Weight Watchers meetings, of course -- my role at the meetings is to serve as Thinspiration).  I would definitely wear UNICORN SEX THERAPIST to the mall.