Is one of your New Year's resolutions to start dating?? Online dating has made the news a lot recently as a potential way to find a mate, or even just a sexual partner for the evening (or morning for you early birds) (hee hee hee that is a play on words, because human male genitalia looks a bit like a worm!!!)
However, it can also be dangerous and humiliating, as these recent stories on Jezebel explain:
"After we ordered a pizza and settled in to watch the first movie, he paused it, turned to me, and started ranting about how women are whores and how hard it is to be a rich guy."
"I could tell that he was getting a little aroused but was having some issues and so when he said that he knew what would "help" and that it was in his bedroom...I willingly followed. Walking in I couldn't help but notice his bed...surrounded by cat condos. Lots of cat condos."
"...he unzipped the bag and from within, pulled out - Kermit. A full sized, proper, hardcore Kermit the muppet. He put Kermit on his knee and started to do what I believe was his Kermit impression."
How can you avoid a terrible online date???? Use my surefire tips to find true love!!!
ShimmerShine's Top 5 Tips for Online Dating
Tip #1: Always carry a gun
Even if your gun is not loaded, it will look impressive, scare off predators, and provide a conversation starter. For example: "Check out my gun! It is not loaded" will lead your date to ask, "Why is it not loaded? Were you not worried about meeting me in this dark alleyway?" in which case you can say "I am a loving, trusting person" which immediately forms a bond between you and your new beloved.
Tip #2: Braid sparkling ribbons into your mane and tail
If you are a human, you can use the hair on your head of course! This tip is important because although many people use online dating as a way to see beneath the surface, attractiveness is still very important. If your hair is not long enough to braid ribbons into it, I would recommend waiting a few years before you try dating. Short hair is never as sexy as long hair, unless you are intergalactic captain Jean-Luc Picard or NDP hero Jack Layton.
Tip #3: If you wear adult diapers, do not forget to put them on before your date
This tip helps to keep you from embarrassing yourself.
Tip #4: Use a Mac, not a PC
Potential dates can tell based on your online ad whether or not you are a Mac person or a PC person. While I myself prefer a PC because I adore Microsoft Word 2007, I always use a Mac for my online dating. It says "I am hip and possibly an artist, web designer, or musician" which are all exciting careers for a potential date!! Plus, some of them come in purple.
Tip #5: Say "I love you" on the first date
This is a bold, bold move that will never fail to impress a guy or girl!