Selecting Wine for New Year's Eve: A Quick Guide

from unicornprince.com:
Not sure which wine to purchase to ring in the new year???  How do you tell if a wine is good???  I am here to help!!!

Quick tip: If a wine has a UNICORN on the bottle, it is probably the best wine in the store.

While I have not tasted it myself, I highly recommend the excellent 2008 Tribunal Red Wine Sonoma County
from Trader Joe's.  Take a peek at the far left of the bottle!!!!

Enjoy your celebrations and inebriations, everyone, and we will speak again in the new year!!

A present for Mrs. Claus

from unicornprince.com:

Warning: for those sensitive to such matters, this post is slightly dirty, hee hee hee!! (I mean of course dirty in a sexual manner.  There is a "double entendre" near the end.)

An anonymous commenter recently alerted me to the fact that Santa Claus may not actually be racist -- instead, it is possible that Santa does not use unicorns to pull his sleigh because Mrs. Claus will be jealous!!!

I cannot believe I had not thought of it on my own.  Of course any woman would be jealous if her husband were hanging out with strappingly handsome sexual specimens like myself.  While I am upset by her lack of trust, I cannot truly blame her.

So I have a potential solution!!!  Next year, I will give Mrs. Claus a Christmas present that demonstrates my respect for her marriage.

And wowwweeeee do I have the best idea for a present.  I am going to make a recording of myself playing a Christmas carol on the glass harmonica.  Specifically, "Here Comes Santa Claus" and then she can play the recording when she and Santa are having sexual relations!!!!

Why doesn't Santa use unicorns??

from unicornprince.com:
I know many of you must wonder this very question every Christmas Eve.

Why doesn't Santa use unicorns??? It seems so obvious that he should:

• Our horns shine brighter than Rudolph's nose could hope to
• We are magic
• We can fly faster than any reindeer
• We can tell who has been naughty or nice, as well as who is a virgin or not
• We love cookies and milk
• We look amazing with sparkly tinsel braided into our tails

I have been asked this question more times than I can count.  I never wanted to share the terrible news with you, but I feel that as a journalist with my own blog, I must tell the truth.

Santa Claus is racist.

Ice Age Park...Science, or potential catastrophe???

from unicornprince.com:

In Siberia, a scientist is recreating the ice age with ponies!!

CHERSKY, Russia – Wild horses have returned to northern Siberia. So have musk oxen, hairy beasts that once shared this icy land with woolly mammoths and saber-toothed cats. Moose and reindeer are here, and may one day be joined by Canadian bison and deer.

Later, the predators will come — Siberian tigers, wolves and maybe leopards.

Russian scientist Sergey Zimov is reintroducing these animals to the land where they once roamed in millions to demonstrate his theory that filling the vast emptiness of Siberia with grass-eating animals can slow global warming.

While I applaud the attempt to forestall global warming, since I am an avid environmentalist, I am a little bit worried! We all know how Jurassic Park turned out. What happens when the ponies get hungry?

I have created an artist's conception of what might go wrong:

I hope very much that I am wrong about this, but in case I am not, the scientists may consider relocating all Siberian orphans to Canada. I have a nearly-empty shed in my backyard if times get truly desperate!!!

Sexy Christmas costumes

from unicornprince.com:
O, how I wish they made sexy Christmas costumes for unicorns.  Why do humans get to have all the fun??  I know that I would be a perfect Sexy Toy Soldier, or even better, Sexy Rudolph since I already have four legs like a reindeer, and am handsome like a sexy one!!



          

Snowmageddon!!!

 from unicornprince.com:

Wowweee, London is experiencing a beautiful Snowmageddon!!  I have spent the day prancing in the snow, making beautiful snow Pegasi (plural of Pegasus), and counting down the signs of the end times!!

Of course, I do not want the world to end, but there is one excellent thing about end times: Looting!  I adore looting. 

While I am a law-abiding citizen (aside from 2008 when I was in jail) and would never dream of stealing, I also enjoy living on the edge a bit (I find this only makes me more attractive, and I hope you will find this as well!). 

Fortunately, when society crumbles, looting becomes commonplace and thus pretty close to legal!  Of course, someone always needs to start things off and loot the first store.  I have my baseball bat all ready for store window-smashing, and I hope you will ready yours as well!! 

The question then becomes, how will we know if Snowmageddon has approached the point where looting is permissible and even expected?  What are the signs of the end of society?

Fear not – I have prepared a handy chart!

Unfortunately, it appears that it is not yet time for looting in London.  But tomorrow, as Scarlet O'Hara says, is another day!!!

My Oprah face!

from unicornprince.com:
One popular internet "meme" is watching video of audience reaction when television superstar Oprah gives away cars.  Her audience members provide an example of glorious happiness and spiritual grace, as seen in these videos from Jezebel linked to me by fellow blogger Michelle.

I spent nearly an hour today pausing, rewinding, and rewatching the audience members.  They are so brave, showing their naked emotions on television!!  I cannot help but admire them, however, at the same time part of me thinks "O, ShimmerShine, you would be so much better at this..."

It is true, of course, but at the same time I should not get cocky!!  This is why I realized today that I should begin work on my Oprah Face.

What will I look like when I'm in the audience and Oprah gives me a car?  How will I respond??  This is something that requires practice and choreography, no doubt!  Here is my initial plan in 5 steps:

ShimmerShine's Oprah Face in 5 Steps

Dear Centipedes in my Bathroom

from unicornprince.com:
Centipedes in my bathroom, I am extremely flattered by how much you enjoy my hospitality. It truly warms my heart and makes me clap my hooves in glee to know how welcomed you feel as guests in my home.

However, we seem to have had a slight misunderstanding. You were not actually invited. Since I know that etiquette can be complicated, I have decided to be a thoughtful host and provide you with an example invitation.

IF you are invited to my bathroom, this is what you will receive:

Until you receive this splendid invitation, please wait before attending any parties in my bathroom. Early arrival without RSVP may result in an accidental smashing and flushing of your selves.

Thank you from your host,
ShimmerShine Moondreams