Which sexy Cary Elwes would I be???

from unicornprince.com:
Today my good friend Baron Snarls von Muchteeth, the werewolf, asked me: "ShimmerShine, if you were a character from The Princess Bride, would you be Westley or the Dread Pirate Roberts?"

I almost corrected him to say I would be Princess Buttercup, because she has the most beautiful name, but my mind drifted off to think, because I truly did not know: am I more like Westley or Roberts??

Since I am a mathematical creature, I have made a chart to help me decide.

As I made my chart, I realized: I am equally 100% Dread Pirate and 100% Westley!  I suppose sometimes, not making a choice is the most authentic kind of choice.

Of course, my werewolf friend Baron Snarls would be neither Westley nor Roberts: he would instead be one of the terribly hideous Rodents of Unusual Size!!!  Hee hee hee.  O my I hope he does not read this post.  But yet I hope he does read this post because it would show he is a true friend to take an interest in my blogging.

O, I know!  I hope he reads this post but then strikes his head on a brick wall and causes short-term memory loss so that he forgets the post and thus is not angry with me.  Indeed, this is an excellent compromise.

Centipede vs. soap

from unicornprince.com:
O my, I had quite the surprise today when I went to take a bath and found that my tub was already occupied by a cheerful centipede!  Cleverly, I distracted him with a sweet "Hello there" and a saucy wink, and while he was getting ready to flirt with me, I smashed him to bits with a bar of Dove soap!!

(I purchase Dove soap in particular because they donate to a "Self-esteem fund for girls" and I strongly support their "Campaign for Real Beauty"!!  I have not researched this campaign yet but I am certain it must involve rhinestones and a Bedazzler.)

After I smashed my many-legged adversary, I looked at my bar of soap and the pieces of exoskeleton encrusted in it.  I was unsure what to do.  Should I wash myself with the same bar of soap?  Was the soap now dirty with bug gook?  Or was the bug gook now clean with soap?  A centipede vs. Dove soap is a mental puzzle akin to the immovable wall and the unstoppable force.

There were no easy answers to this question.  I decided to forego the bath for today and instead stood outside in the rain, letting it wash the grime from my fur and the uneasy thoughts from my mind.

Good deeds for 9/11

from unicornprince.com:
Since today is the anniversary of 9/11 I thought that the world could use some cheering up. Every year on this date I make special plans to do a good deed.

So I sat down to frantically brainstorm a good deed.  I used a web diagram to begin my brainstorming, asking  myself: "What is a good deed that relates specifically to 9/11??  What would be most appropriate for this day?"

I quickly sketched out the web diagram, seen below:

"Eureka!!"  I exclaimed aloud, much as Archimedes did in the bath (though I was not in the bath at this time myself).  "Car lashes!"  I yelled.  "The solution is both obvious and yet oh-so-subtle!"

If you are not familliar with Car Lashes, they are marvellous:

You put them over the lights on your car and they give your car a jaunty feminine personality!!  You can flash your lights to make her "blink" as if she is flirting.  If you smash one of your lights so it no longer works, the other one looks like she is winking, which is even more flirtatious and fun.

So, my plan for 9/11 is this: Today I am up bright at early at 5am.  Fortunately I have 20 sets of Car Lashes in my house for times such as this (I am most excellent at planning ahead and would be quite useful in an apocalypse).  I will tiptoe down the street and put Car Lashes on all my neighbours cars!! 

When they wake up, they will be so pleased, surprised, and thankful!!!  And they will brighten the day of anyone who happens to see them out driving, which makes this good deed particularly charming in its ability to affect so many people at once. 

"ShimmerShine Moondreams," I am saying to myself as I type this, "Sometimes you truly outdo yourself in generosity and kindness.  Kudos to you!" 

A shocking post: What if I were to murder someone!!

from unicornprince.com:
Today I was at the beach reading a deliciously thrilling novel, Heartsick by Chelsea Cain.

As my regular readers will know, I enjoy looking at crime from the law enforcement point of view, as a forensic investigation hobbyist. I am sure that as soon as the London Police call me back, I will be able to help them solve several crimes with my fingerprinting kit and the DNA samples I have collected in the public library.

However, I admit that I do have some latent "bad boy" tendencies that had me thinking, "If I were a serial killer, how would I kill my victims??" (To any legal officials reading this: THIS IS SIMPLY A HYPOTHETICAL BLOG POST.)

Here are some ideas:

Making my victim drink drain cleaner

This is what the killer in Heartsick did. However I think this is a very silly reason to waste perfectly good drain cleaner.

Gunshot wound (or "GSW" in forensic lingo!)

I love this one because it's noisy and surprising! Unfortunately the police confiscated my gun.

Fake suicide hanging

This is my favourite! I could utilise my boy scout training to tie the knot, and even write a fake suicide note. Perhaps with a mysterious quote from a philosopher??

It is always consoling to think of suicide: in that way one gets through many a bad night. - Friedrich Nietzsche

But then I think about it further and truly, I could not murder someone. I simply love life too much!! Instead I would capture my potential murder victim and then we would prance together through a field of daisies, and braid each other's hair, and sing inspirational songs like "Who Am I" from the musical Les Miserables!

It would truly be the perfect day.

Squirrels poem

from unicornprince.com:

Yesterday I mentioned the possibility of rhyming the word "squirrels" in a song.  Although I noted that this was a difficult task, I spent the night tossing and turning because I cannot resist a challenge!!

In all the kerfuffle I punctured my waterbed with my horn and the resulting stream flooded the neighbours' backyard, but fortunately they have not yet noticed.

In the meantime, I have risen to the task!!  Below, my poem:

Squirrels: A Poem That Rhymes

by ShimmerShine Moondreams

Unicorn Prince

In my backyard there are many squirrels

I do not know if they are boys or girls

I want some more but where to find them?

When looking for squirrels, I have no referrals

I search high and low and knock on doors

I ask for meetings, but only get deferrals

I make them a dance that is quite pretty

I do jetes, plies, and fancy twirls

Soon I attract the squirrels, both boys and girls

Their tails are splendid and full of curls

They gather round, I hand out pearls

They introduce themselves, my brand new squirrels

Some are princes, dukes and earls!

And so I finish this brand new poem

Where I rhyme "squirrels" with "girls" and "twirls"!

Question re: squirrels

from unicornprince.com:
Does anyone know how to train squirrels to eat tent caterpillars???

If you know the answer I will write a song or poem customized for you! Just do not ask me to rhyme "squirrels" because it is particularly difficult.