Ding ding!

from unicornprince.com:
I think that for my birthday I shall ask for an olde-timey bicycle bell that makes a particular noise: "Ding ding!"

However, I will NOT be attaching this to my bicycle! Instead I will carry it with me everywhere, perhaps with some strands of hair from my mane woven through it so I never lose it.

Then, I can use it as my own personal Industrial Light & Magic sound effects show!!! I will make the "ding ding" noise whenever the following occurs:

• I say something particularly witty, such as: "Why was the werewolf arrested in the butcher shop? He was chop-lifting." (DING DING!)
• I smile and my beautiful white teeth glimmer in the sunshine, moonlight, or starlight: *smile* (DING DING!)
• I get an answer correct on Jeopardy! or make a guess on Wheel Of Fortune: "Mister Sajak and Miss White, I would like to select RSTLN and E" (DING DING!)
• I wink at an attractive passerby (DING DING!)

I know there will be so many more instances when I can use my new bicycle bell, o my, I cannot wait, I do hope someone purchases this for my birthday!!! Or you could purchase it for a late Father's Day present perhaps since I am the "father" of this blog.

My first "screw" of the year!!! <--Hee hee hee double entendre

from unicornprince.com:
Today I stepped on a screw in my basement. It slipped right into the soft frog area of my hind hoof, o my was that a surprise!!  At first I was dismayed and shook one of my front hooves at the ceiling while limping around, shouting "Why, world, why such pain??" and then I realized that I already knew the answer: we would not be able to appreciation the delicious pleasures of life, such as bubble baths and love, without also sharing in life's pain. 

For those readers who enjoy medical diagrams with their philosophical words of wisdom, here is what happened to my hoof:

Who is the most evil Bachelor?

from unicornprince.com:
Fellow blogger and Bachelorette watcher Michelle L. asked me, "ShimmerShine, who do you think was more evil, Frank or Justin?  Can you use a chart to explain your answer?"

Of course I can!!  

To truly do Michelle's question justice, I used the scientific method.

I began by assigning each bachelor "Evil Points" based on the evil things he had done during the show.  Evil things would get him +X Evil Points (X depending on the severity of the act) and pleasant things would get him -X Evil Points (X depending on how pleasant the act was).

Then I would graph the progression of the evil acts, and use the graphs to see who was left standing "Most Evil" with the most Evil Points, or E.P.'s!!

Justin vs. Frank: Who is the Most Evil Bachelor?

A Graphical Comparison

O my!!!  It appears Frank wins, with a total of 11 E.P.'s to Justin's 9!!

Pop Culture Showdown: Bachelorette vs. Alice Cooper

from unicornprince.com:
I have had the most incredible week of pop culture viewing!! Two of my favourites were the ever-fascinating Bachelorette episode as well as a concert by hard rock superstar Alice Cooper. In fact, both were so awesome that I spent last night tossing and turning, unable to sleep because I kept thinking: "Which of these was more awesome?? I SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW!!"

The solution of course is to rank them in chart form based on a set list of criteria.

Pop Culture Showdown:
The Bachelorette episode vs. An Alice Cooper concert

	The Bachelorette	Alice Cooper
Music:	Imagine how much more powerful Ali's teary breakdown could have been if Alice Cooper's if it began with the acoustic guitar of Alice Cooper's Only Women Bleed	All of the music was awesome of course!!!
Winner: Alice Cooper
Potentially violent confrontation:	Ali vs. Frank Frank told Ali that he wanted to get together with his previous girlfriend!!! The scene between Frank and Nicole was incredibly romantic, but then he broke Ali's heart, which was so difficult to watch. After their confrontation, Ali hugged Frank goodbye and then cried.	ShimmerShine vs. Mean Girl A mean girl wanted to steal my spot near the stage! She shoved me, and then when I refused to move, she said "Watch yourself, [profanity]!!" I said in response, "Actually I am not a female dog, I am a male unicorn, so perhaps you should do the watching!"
Winner: The Bachelorette. Although I was magnificent in my confrontation with the Mean Girl Alice Cooper fan, I was very impressed by Ali's ability to put her heartbreak aside for hugs.
Atmosphere:	The Bachelorette had gorgeous Tahiti scenery	Alice Cooper had a guillotine!!! And he chopped off a baby's head with a sword!!!
Winner: Alice Cooper. While I do not condone violence, that was AWESOME!!!
FINAL WINNER: Alice Cooper, with a total of Alice Cooper 2, The Bachelorette 1. Bachelorette, it is a good thing that an Alice Cooper concert is a one-in-a-summer occasion or you might have some serious competition!!

Travelling but alas not to Tahiti

Well well well, I am running behind on my Bachelorette blogging for this summer! Even worse, tonight I will not be able to watch it. I will have to remain in suspense until Friday!! In fact I am running so behind that I am "liveblogging" from the train today.

I am looking forward to the Bachelorette's visit to Tahiti. It is such a magical place, with blue blue water, one of my favourite colours (o, if only they could make it purple water! Imagine how magical that would be).

I was a little concerned last week about Kirk's father, so I am glad that Ali let him go. He looked very familliar and I think he may have been the unicorn poacher who chased me out of Green Bay, Wisconsin once. I had travelled there to see if the bay was truly green (I was hoping for a lovely jade or teal colour) but found myself staring into the barrel of a gun! <--O, if you are a musician reading this blog, that would make an excellent song, feel free to use it.

Welcome to my toilette!

from unicornprince.blogspot.com:
Today I thought if a clever new name for my bathroom, and so I made a sign!

New URL!!

O my I have finally achieved my own "domain name" as they say in information superhighway parlance!

You can now come right here from http://www.unicornprince.com !!!!!!!

Last week's Bachelorette

from unicornprince.blogspot.com:
O my, I was sitting outside in the backyard eating breakfast this morning and I thought to myself, "I am so excited for The Bachelorette tonight! This show just gets more and more romantic each week."

And then I realized: I did not blog about it for you all last week!!!

So, I have prepared a diagram showing my feelings toward the general sexiness of each of Ali's beaux! The closer you get to the middle, the closer you are to the "target" of total sexiness, which is also represented by a darker red, because red is the colour of passion:

Kirk is extremely attractive of course (they all are!) but unfortunately, his name reminds me of Captain James Tiberius Kirk of Star Trek. I know that if I were to marry Kirk, I would spend my days comparing him to Captain James T. Kirk and there is simply no contest. Very few men are as beautiful as Mister William Shatner.

Chris gains points ahead of Kirk because he brought Ali a bracelet!! When he gave it to her I was dancing a little in my seat, clapping my hooves together, thinking "O, how romantic!"

Roberto is even hotter than Chris because of his extremely sensual Latin name. Exotic men can sure make this unicorn swoon! And of course he knows how to tango *and* salsa.

Frank is clearly the most passionate about Ali and it shows, making him the sexiest of all. I am a big fan of a little jealousy in my mates, and Frank does not like it when Ali kisses other men!!

My part in making swim history!

from unicornprince.blogspot.com:
I am so inspired by marathon swimmer Diana Nyad!! She is planning to swim from Cuba to Florida at age 60. When she tried it in 1978 she had to stop after 42 hours because of the weather. How horrible!!

At first when I heard about her plan I admit I was a teensy tiny bit jealous. I thought "O no, if she swims from Cuba to Florida my latest attempt to swim across the Thames on New Year's Eve this year will seem much less impressive." But then I thought, "No! Her bright victory will not take away from the splendour of my own. There is room for two magnificent athletes in the world."

So I have decided to assist Miss Nyad. I know that with the two of us as partners, she can overcome even the worst weather!! And so I am building a beautiful rainbow windsurfing device to accompany her on her swim. I will bring a feeding stick to keep her energy level up, and as she swims I will be right beside her, offering words of encouragement and also song!!

Here is a preview of the blueprints for my windsurfing device:

Satisfaction: A Poetic and Artistic Response

from unicornprince.blogspot.com:
On Friday I discussed my new "backup plan" career as a retail clothing salesunicorn. I am currently assembling my portfolio to apply at Anthropologie, and an anonymous reader asked to see a sample. I am always happy to share, you need only ask!!

I have chosen to illustrate my poem in the Cubist style, below.

My backup plan(s)

from unicornprince.blogspot.com:
New York Magazine recently published a fantastic article about the dress codes at various retail clothing stores in response to the American Apparel controversy!!

I of course have taken the Girl Guide and Scouting motto "Be Prepared" to heart and have begun preparing myself for the future. I have asked myself the following "What If???" questions:

• What if the Toronto Symphony Orchestra disappeared and I could no longer count on them for a future job?


• What if I found out that Justin Bieber shopped for clothing at a particular store and I needed a way to meet him?


• What if Prime Minister Stephen Harper changed the Canadian voting regulations to say that only those employees of retail stores could vote in the next federal election?


• What if I needed some new pants at a sweet discount?

All of these questions can be taken care of by a simple preparedness: determining which of the retail clothing stores would best suit my personality and current wardrobe!!!

I have narrowed my choice to two.

Anthropologie
Two different employees at this boho-trendy chain, owned by Urban Outfitters Inc., admitted that the store's hiring practices were intense. Interviews were conducted in groups, and questions included "Are you well-traveled?" and "What kind of music do you like?" Some interviewees felt so pressured to prove their creativity, they brought art portfolios and demo CDs to the interview sessions.

O my I would be so excellent at this. I could bring them my art portfolio AND my poetry portfolio AND my music portfolio!!! In fact, I could accomplish this all in one, by drawing a picture of Mick Jagger the musician reciting a beautiful poem that I wrote myself.

Banana Republic
The Gap Inc.–owned chain asks its employees to wear three business-casual pieces at all times, but is pretty flexible when it comes to defining those three-way combos. For example, pants plus a shirt plus a cardigan or blazer counts, as do pants plus a shirt plus a statement necklace or oversize belt.

I love three business casual pieces!!! For example, I could wear a tailored suit jacket, a pair of leggings, and I could wear a sparkley business sock on my horn for Business Time!!!! (A la the delightful band Flight of the Conchords of course.)

O, I feel as though I have accomplished a lot to-day. I have made not one, but TWO plans for my future.