The best thing about The Bachelorette is the way it makes us all think about our own romantic lives and possible self-improvement. A few weeks ago, Michelle L. left a comment on this blog:
Why I haven't I found True Love, the way Ali will next Monday, 9:58 pm eastern standard time?
Thank-you in advance. MichelletheBlogger
I have spent some time pondering her question. I have come up with several reasons why she or anyone else may not have found True Love.
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| Picture of Cupid to symbolize love you may find using my advice |
Why have you not found True Love?
1. It is possible that you are not attractive enough. Beauty has been treasured by potential lovers for thousands of years, from the time of Homo erectus onward (hee hee hee o my that name sounds dirty!).
To improve your chances, I highly recommend that you add more fibre to your diet and also braid your hair with colourful ribbons and perhaps add some sparkles to it. A dark pair of sunglasses and a tuxedo will also make you appear dashing and attract potential mates.
2. You may not be romantic enough. No matter how feminist or misogynist your dates might be, I can guarantee that they always love roses, poetry, and pet names!
Red roses are the most beautiful, but if your potential lover does not have a "green thumb" you can get him or her pewter roses. One gross (that is 12 dozen or 144 single roses) is always a good amount that balances right between "I maybe like you" (cupcake delivery) and "stalker" (horse's head in left on your lover's pillow).
For poetry, the more complex the better! I highly recommend the sonata or the sestina. You can even work pet names into your poetry, such as "schnookums", "dearest", "tiddlywinks" or "lady/lord Gaga".
3. You may be not meeting enough single people. If you are only hanging out with married people or children who the law says are too young, you should find somewhere else to hang out! Particularly if you are averse to adultery and/or paedophilia (if you are not averse to these you can ignore this tip).
Stop hanging out in fertility clinics, marriage counselling group therapy, schoolyards, and day care centres. Definitely start hanging out in places where hip singles might be found, such as Mountain Equipment Co-op if you are into cute outdoorsy boys, the grocery store produce aisle if you are into healthy women who like to cook, or your backyard if you are into people who trespass and/or live with you.
(This last one may sound like a silly tip, but trespassers can have that "rebel" mysterious quality, and people who already live with you make it really easy to have sexual congress without having to leave the house and walk down the street!)
I hope these tips help and that you find True Love soon, Michelle! Remember to keep me and my delightful readers updated on your search. Readers, if you have any other tips please leave them in the comments!!
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