Say hello to my little friend

Today I have acquired a drill. As you can imagine, I have been drilling many things!! It's been an exciting day all around at Casa ShimmerShine.

(Note: I do not like the name Casa ShimmerShine. Remind me to hold a contest in the near future to pick a new name for my house. I am thinking perhaps a riff on Superman's Fortress of Solitude, but because I am much more social than Superman I will call mine Fortress of Friendship and Good Times.)

My drill is pictured here! I was a little upset that he didn't come in purple but I am pleased that he looks quite manly. His name is HAL 9000. I named him after a film! Can you guess which one?? The answer is at the bottom of this post!

Here is a list of things I have drilled today:

• Several holes in my floor
• Some holes in the ceiling above my bed so that while I sleep I can bask in the sunshine (if I sleep during the day)
• Several squirrels
• My kitchen window (the glass shattered everywhere! Sometimes the strangest things happen that you would never predict and this was one of those times!!)
• A watermelon and a cantaloupe
• The telephone book. I know this seems odd but here is my reasoning. If I have a hole drilled all the way through my telephone book, I can sit outside on a park bench and pretend to be reading the telephone book but in actuality I am looking through the hole spying on everyone.
• Hee hee I was just joshing you about the squirrels! I would never really hurt my squirrel friends.

Answer to "Guess which film my drill HAL 9000 is named after?" (highlight text to read):
HAL 9000 is of course named after the film Shallow HAL, a most funny romp starring Jack Black. It teaches us that looks are not everything and that we should sometimes date fat people. I know I am planning to try this in the near future! I picked the number 9000 to add after HAL's name because it is the number you get if you multiply 30 and 300.

A followup to my most polite inquiry

Dear Nature,

I can definitely see how you thought that moving the millipedes to the front hall where they can excitedly great me as I arrive, carrying heavy delicate packages, would be a good alternative.

I very much appreciate your willingness to compromise on this matter. I would however like to humbly suggest that perhaps the millipedes would be more comfortable outside of my house?

Thank you for your consideration,

ShimmerShine Moondreams
Unicorn Prince

A rather polite request all things considered

Dear Nature,

I love you but no more millipedes in the kitchen please.

Thank you for your consideration,

ShimmerShine Moondreams
Unicorn Prince

Happy early retirement to me

Today I went to the university campus and crashed a retirement party for some librarians! It was fantastic. They were so excited to have a unicorn at their party that they gave me THREE pieces of cake.

This got me thinking. Perhaps I should retire soon. Being a unicorn prince can be a bit exhausting. Also, when you retire people throw you a party and give you presents!!

Plus, like a wedding I feel as though a retirement party should be planned at least two years in advance, to be sure everything is perfect.

If you are planning a retirement party for me, here are some tips! The tips are as follows:

1. I really really love sparkles


2. Please make sure there is an ice sculpture portrait of me


3. If you could write me a retirement anthem I would really appreciate that. It should include several choirs and some soloists, perhaps the beautiful Cecilia Bartoli, and also an orchestra made entirely of harps, autoharps, glass harmonicas, ukuleles, and electric guitars


4. I would like someone to be dressed up as Darth Vader


5. O, I know, the folks from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia would do some skits about my life!!! But with no swearing please


6. A "Kissing Booth" fundraiser where you can pay $25 to kiss me! But there would be special attendants who would make sure to only let the extremely handsome and beautiful candidates into the lineup, and also the attendants would kiss them first to make sure they are good kissers


7. Some extinct animals resurrected just for my retirement


8. Zombies as well please


9. O, maybe the zombies could hunt the extinct animals back into extinction!!


10. And everyone who is hunting has to use crossbows


11. Pink crossbows with sparkles

This is going to be THE BEST RETIREMENT PARTY EVER.

My fickle TIVO

I am a little annoyed this evening, I must admit. Although the day has been most cheerful and lovely, with just enough wind to bring the scent of "BBQ" from the neighbour's yard blowing into my delighted nostrils (I let out several very cute whinnies of appreciation) this evening is not as pleasant!

The new episode of True Blood did not record properly on my TIVO.

I do love this show. It is so romantic!! I wish I were Sookie and had two beautiful supernatural men pining over me.

I bet you thought I was going to say "I wish I were Sookie can could read minds", didn't you? But in actuality I am pretty sure that I CAN read minds! At least, I am such an astute judge of character that I can usually tell what someone is thinking.

For example, today I was at the grocery store and I bought myself a chocolate cake. I am pretty sure the nice young cashier was thinking "Wow, it is amazing how that unicorn can eat a whole chocolate cake but still have beautiful rippling muscles, I wonder if he works out?" I told her "Yes, I have a membership to the gym at the university and I also enjoy hiking" and she looked confused. I bet she was so surprised that I knew what she was thinking!!

On the way home I trotted past a man walking his dog and I could tell he was thinking "O, that unicorn trots so majestically, if only I were a ballet director, I would cast him as both Romeo and Juliet in Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet!"

Since my TIVO is not working I am going to put on a recording of "Dance of the Knights" and do some interpretive ballet. This generally makes me feel better. O, just thinking about it is making me blush with the happiness of a young foal!

Sometimes I love life so much that it hurts. But in a really good way that involves no pain of course.

Race war in my backyard!

O my, there is a race war in my backyard!!! (If you read the title of this post you already know this but to readers who skip the title I thought I had better explain)

There are four squirrels fighting in my biggest tree. Two are grey and two are black!!

While I am not much of a "nerd" or "geek", I am shocked that they learned nothing from Star Trek!!!! It does not matter what colour you are (unless you are a black unicorn - they are evil).

I brought my glass harmonica outside so I am playing them some songs to learn about tolerance. This is what I am playing for them:

SHIMMERSHINE'S GLASS HARMONICA PLAYLIST OF RACIAL TOLERANCE:

1. Ebony & Ivory by Paul McCartney and Ray Charles (here I am replacing "white" with "grey" because these are the colours of the squirrels)


2. Black or White by Micheal Jackson (here I am replacing "black or white" with "yellow or orange" beause they are brighter colours and so more fun to sing about)


3. Society's Child by Janis Ian (sometimes I wonder if the reason I have not dated lately is because people are prejudiced!!)


4. Welcome to the Jungle by GNR (the jungle is the urban "streets" that white people are sometimes afraid of)

Oh no!

This evening I was thinking that I would like to find a guy in shades and switch my blade on him, just to see what would happen, but it was cloudy so I couldn't find any

Rumours of my demise have been especially exaggerated this week

I apologise, I have not posted in nearly a fortnight!! I have many exciting things to post about, but this is simply a quick update so that you would not worry about me. I promise that the unicorn in the attached photograph is NOT me!

It looks a bit like my cousin Spike but you can see that the photograph is missing the tattoo on her buttocks of Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night, so it is clearly not her either.

I did stub my hoof this morning though so please keep my health in your good thoughts. Thank you!!!