Note: throughout this post to illustrate how my fur changes colour with emotion, I will tell you the colour of my fur during each event!
I just came from seeing My Bloody Valentine 3D which was wonderful (royal blue: happiness)! I truly felt a part of the action and I kept trying to grab the pick axes with my hooves (lime green: courage). A beautiful young lady in front of me said that I was grabbing her head and could I please stop, so I asked her out on a date (lavender: romantic)! She said she would get back to me after the film with her decision. Alas, after the film we lost each other in the crowd. Sometimes love is not meant to be (magenta: lovesick).
I feel like my real life echoed the film, as in the film the killer ripped hearts out of chests and put them in candy boxes, and sometimes in life I feel as though my heart has been ripped out (pink: sad), and I like candy (in boxes or also in plastic bags).
However, I noticed a loose end in the film! At this point my fur turned green (denoting intelligence).
(SPOILERS AHEAD RIGHT HERE BE CAREFUL IF YOU DO NOT ENJOY SPOILERS) We are supposed to think that Tom Hanniger went crazy and killed everyone with pick axes! However, I noticed that he had been locked in a cage during one of the murders. This means he could not do it, unless the filmmakers were intentionally deceiving us! Also, I noticed that the Black Guy was still alive at the end of the film.
Clearly, the filmmakers were setting us up for a sequel! I bet they have not written this sequel yet, so if I write it first, Hollywood will want my version and I will become famous. I bet they will even let me do a cameo. O, I should write in a small part for a young male unicorn, and then they will cast me for sure!
Also in my sequel Tom has been renamed Jensen because it is a beautiful name.
MBV3D 2: The Black Guy Really Did It All Along
FADE IN, IN 3D:
Old spooky mine in 3D! JENSEN, an extremely attractive human male, is wearing a mining costume. He removes his mask. Standing next to him looking scared are SARAH, SARAH’S SON, SHERRIFF AXEL, and THE BLACK GUY.
Hey there moviegoers! I’m pretty sure that I’m not crazy and I didn’t kill anyone in the first movie. So I am back in the mine wearing this creepy costume to prove it. When the REAL killer sees me dressed as a creepy miner, he will be so confused he will admit everything. I have brought along the leftover people from the first movie.
Please Jensen, please don’t hurt me! I have a son!
I know. And he might be the killer.
[Screenwriter’s note: I was very sad that Jensen didn’t get to sing in the first film! So I have decided that the sequel will have songs in it, Bollywood style.]
JENSEN removes his creepy mask and mining suit. Underneath he is wearing a most dapper golden sequin straight jacket! He dislocates his arms and removes them from the straight jacket. He picks up the pickaxe and uses it as a microphone.
When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
JENSEN continues to sing. Meanwhile, a HANDSOME UNICORN happens by and wanders into the scene. JENSEN and HANDSOME UNICORN do a lovely dance together with the pickaxe. SHERRIF AXEL joins in.
JENSEN, SHERRIF AXEL and HANDSOME UNICORN
We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
Oh, all three of you are so handsome! I do not know who to choose!
THE BLACK GUY looks at the camera furtively and then sneaks away under the cover of the song!!
TO BE CONTINUED...