I love nature and all of its creatures, but I have to admit that sometimes I do not love it when they are in my house.
Today scuttling across my kitchen floor was the biggest millipede I have ever seen IN MY LIFE. I paused in my cooking to scream "Eeek eeek millipede!!!! MILLIPEDE ALERT!!!" and then closed my eyes figuring if I pretend it was not there, it would scuttle off into the darkness and we could both be at peace. Unfortunately, when I opened my eyes, it was still there, in the middle of my kitchen floor.
It did not move. My kitchen is small, so I continuously had to step around it. Ew ew eww ew!!! I thought to myself "What if that beautiful wondrous creature, who I love because I love all of nature, with so many legs and that big squishy body stays there all day and at night when I am dancing around in the dark, as I am wont to do, I step on it??"
Ew. I'm sure you can imagine that would not be a good option for either myself or the millipede!
So I decided to toss a bowl on top of the millipede and then slip a piece of paper underneath and run run run him outside and let him go free in the garden. A most excellent plan! Until it FAILED. I dropped the bowl right ON the millipede and half of him went SQUISH.
Now of course I felt horrible! He was still alive and squirming around and the only thing I could think of was to pick him up in a huge wad of paper towel and toss him in the toilet and flush it. (I have a toilet because I live in a house designed for humans.) I did this, but when I flushed the toilet, I did not see him.
Where did he go?? Did he get flushed and I just didn't notice? Or did he somehow jump out of my grasp and do I now have a very angry millipede in my apartment, scuttling around in the dark corners, waiting for nightfall to fulfill his revenge fantasies on me?
I can only hope that the millipede is as interested in the phenomenon of the INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY as I am and that in scouring the Internet for news, he comes across my blog and realizes how sorry I am.
DEAR MILLIPEDES SURFING THE SUPERHIGHWAY: I AM A FRIEND OF NATURE AND VERY SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE. PLEASE DO NOT CRAWL INTO MY BODY CAVITIES WHILE I AM SLEEPING. THANK YOU.
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What kinds of unicorn improvements did you need to make in your house that was made for humans? Are the light switches higher so you can turn on the lights with your unicorn horn? Do unicorns have basements?
ReplyDeleteIndeed, we do have basements! They are perfect for sleepover parties and for when we practice spelunking.
ReplyDeleteFortunately I did not have to move the light switches--we unicorns prefer the clapper. We do however have to be careful that the door frames are high enough so we do not bump our horns going through doors.
Other things to consider when a unicorn is making a home purchase: As we do not require staircases, we frequently have our stairs replaced with slides (so much fun!). I had a large jacuzzi put into my house, because unicorns do not tend to fit in bathtubs. Also, I have an extra-large freezer for days when I feel like filling my jacuzzi with ice cubes and pretending I am like Jack and Rose in the beautiful film Titanic.